Tag: Copywriting

  • What I learned from talking to yet another AI genius every week for six years

    What I learned from talking to yet another AI genius every week for six years

    I’ve had front-row seats watching AI shake up the life sciences and manufacturing across Europe and the US. At first, I focussed on talking with visionary techhead types. But they soon made it clear that to understand the chaos, I also needed to speak with academics, entrepreneurs, regulators, funders and – most importantly – the end users. AI innovation is all about people: a wildly diverse group of individuals and organisations who must unite to make extraordinary things happen.

    Read: 12 things AI tech experts wish everyone knew
    How I roll as a writer in the AI tsunami

    Once upon a time, even before everyone talked about COVID instead of GenAI, I started writing about meat-and-potatoes AI. This was when my hometown of Amsterdam began reinventing itself as a hub for all things AI and healthcare. And with the pandemic, I made an almost complete pivot, since my previous specialty was writing about travel and culture, both of which died for a time.

    A data sea of potential 

    I felt blessed with this new beat. I could ask my dumbass questions about all this transformative weirdness to an increasingly diverse group of smart people. In the process, you could say, as those Americans often do, “I drank the Kool-Aid”, which oddly references the Jonestown Massacre when cult followers committed mass suicide by chugging the same poisoned drink. While telling, this phrase goes a bit too far. Let’s say I’ve sipped enough to be a cautious optimist when it comes to AI working to help solve some of our planet’s biggest problems. 

    Data scientists, as a group, are notably idealistic. They understand they face significant challenges related to technology, usable data, and regulation. They also recognise the immense potential in the patterns that could be discovered within those vast seas of untapped data – patterns that might provide insights into solving medical mysteries and enhancing sustainable practices.

    Sparked by the pandemic

    COVID was a big bang moment for AI. Suddenly, everyone – governments, hospitals, startups, big pharma – was willing to share data to decrease mortality rates. Unfortunately, few had organised their data enough to share it effectively. Still, there were success stories, especially from the rich data streams from intensive care units

    A pumped healthcare sector began rewriting the future of medicine – and fast. As many said, “Innovation took hold in months when it would have otherwise taken years.” 

    While there was still endless work ahead, the pandemic sowed the seed for the importance of establishing a unified data infrastructure and getting one’s data house in order – preferably in a FAIR (Findable, Accessible, Interoperable, Reusable) manner.

    This crisis-driven collaboration also reflected AI’s true potential – not as a replacement for human expertise, but as a tool to help us solve more problems faster.

    It started as a cultish, nerdy affair dominated by Dutch male students (you could tell by their suede shoes and shameless use of hair gel). A few years later, these events evolved into packed houses with the most diverse crowd I’ve ever encountered.

    Data + pizza: two great tastes that go great together

    Thanks to content agency EdenFrost and via the City of AmsterdamAmsterdam Science Park, and the Amsterdam Economic Board, I became a roving reporter covering tech and AI innovations in the life sciences. One recurring event that really stood out for me and my learning curve was the monthly Medical Data + Pizza, a networking event that pimped data scientists with medical doctors.

    The format was simple: research presentations served as inspiration, and then free pizza was served as the grand networking enabler. While the data scientists were hungry for problems to solve, the doctors were happy to share their overflowing plates of challenges related to improving patient outcomes. Soon, ethicists, startup founders, regulators, and other interested parties joined the party. And so it evolved…

    Read: ‘25 times Medical Data + Pizza:
    how carbs work to transform healthcare’.

    It started as a cultish, nerdy affair dominated by Dutch male students (you could tell by their suede shoes and shameless use of hair gel). A few years later, these events evolved into packed houses with the most diverse crowd I’ve ever encountered. And I’m a fan of diverse crowds (for instance, when you encounter one at a concert, you know the band will probably be amazing). 

    This vision holds that if you control your kidneys until death, you should also control your personal data in the same way. 

    The sexy (and European) side of data science

    While data science became genuinely sexy, the approach I experienced belonged to the EU – another ultimately diverse crowd (but one that could still use some sexing up). 

    When it comes to data governance, there are three basic approaches. In China, the state controls the data. In the US, corporations. Europe chose a third path: putting people first. This vision holds that if you control your kidneys until death, you should also control your personal data in the same way. 

    Yes, the EU way involves many regulations and efforts around privacy, security, and ethical concerns. And yes, some worry this will only slow down innovation. But many argue that the grunt work must come first – especially in healthcare. (And think of what you might save in terms of lawsuits!)

    As one of the Data+Pizza founders noted, “In the long run, I think this foundational work will prove beneficial, because you’ll have more support from the public. I don’t think patients are against sharing their data if it helps the next patient. People’s distrust is more directed at the government and policymakers.”

    One aimed to build a supercomputer from lab-grown blobs of human brain cells (his students already had two blobs playing Pong against each other) … And so on. Later, things only got stranger faster.

    The startup ecosystem – and beyond

    Over time, various organizations formed, evolved, or disappeared as the Amsterdam ecosystem matured. Eventually, everything came together under the umbrella of Amsterdam AI, which facilitates data collection and collaboration across the region and with the rest of Europe through organisations like Ellis.

    Larger companies such as Elsevier and Phillips also got involved. I started ghostwriting more “thought leadership” pieces that balanced the idea of companies using AI to expand their business goals while also working toward the greater good – often through partnerships with academia and the ever increasing number of startups.  

    As I gained larger and more international clients, I had the chance to speak with a new range of inspired innovators…

    One aimed to build a supercomputer from lab-grown blobs of human brain cells (his students already had two blobs playing Pong against each other)…

    Another saved his own life by finding a cure for his incurable disease with an existing generic drug – an approach he’s now scaling with AI…

    Yet another was inspired by a fake AI Elvis on America’s Got Talent to apply the same tech to develop an AI-powered digital mouse that is now being used as an alternative to animal testing…

    And so on…

    Later, with the release of ChatGPT in late 2022 and the unleashing of the GenAI hype cycle, things only got stranger faster.

    Fortunately, healthcare solutions are an easy sell: using AI to help cancer patients will always be sexier than, say, using it to boost click-through rates for Booking.com. 

    The general benefits of being a generalist writing for a general audience

    At one point, people started telling me that my journalism background as a committed generalist writing for a general audience has value. Naturally, I loved hearing that. Success in this field means balancing the “triple helix” – rigorous academics who demand solid proof, restless entrepreneurs eager to move fast and break things, and cautious government regulators who must protect public safety. And they all have deliriously different timelines: the academics think in 4-year PhDs, the start-up kids want to ship product in 6 weeks, and the regulators are painfully sensitive to the date of the next election.

    Regardless, these wildly different personalities must come together to make the most impact. In other words, they all must be on the same page. While my job can be described as a “communications consultant” or “content strategist”, I see myself more as an in-house journalist/editor. I do my research, talk with different people, sniff out stories, and help determine which stories best bridge these different worlds. 

    The key isn’t about dumbing down content since this triple helix crowd isn’t dumb. It’s more about removing jargon, subtly embedding definitions, and explaining complex ideas without sounding condescending. The aim is for everyone to read and think, “Hey, this is cool, and I want to be part of it and figure out how to collaborate with all these different people!

    As a bonus, this content may also work to bring the general public up-to-speed with all this pivotal stuff happening right now.

    And fortunately, healthcare solutions are an easy sell to most audiences: using AI to help cancer patients will always be cooler than, say, using it to boost click-through rates for Booking.com. 

    Manufacturing, like Europe, needs “sexing up” to attract talent and investment – and AI has proven to be the perfect aphrodisiac.

    From human health to machine health (scaling on diversity)

    At the same time, I spent four years working part-time as a blog editor for Augury, a NYC-based company using AI to optimize factory machine performance. I saw it grow from a bootstrapped startup to a scaling unicorn. This shift brought new perspectives: from public/private to purely commercial, from human health to machine health, and from Europe to America. All of this highlighted both different and similar challenges.

    Again, I was a sort of in-house journalist seeking interesting stories from AI innovators, C-suite decision-makers, and – as it would turn out, most importantly – plant floor end-users. Once more, I was a happy generalist writing for a broad and varied audience.  

    And like Europe, manufacturing is another arena that needs sexing up to attract talent and investment – with AI proving to be the perfect aphrodisiac. In addition, by having the AI technology monitoring machines instead of people, this meant bypassing many ethical and privacy issues. Augury could move fast, break things, and deliver customer impact quickly.

    As the company expanded, its growth sped up even more through partnerships with much larger firms – like a diverse crowd connecting with even bigger diverse crowds. Ironically, the corporate world started to resemble the EU: complex, bureaucratic, but ultimately capable of making a massive, coordinated impact as long as everyone is on the same page – which, yes, takes some time and effort. 

    Different worlds, converging challenges

    Of course, GenAI’s arrival caused a complete rethink of almost everything and also led to much distraction as people chased the latest trend. I remember about a year after ChatGPT launched, during an edition of Medical Data + Pizza, an American visitor asked a question that stopped the room: “Why isn’t anyone talking about large language models? Is it taboo here?”

    He hit a nerve and revealed a tension: while the world obsessed over ChatGPT, healthcare AI practitioners remained focused on explainability, transparency, and reproducibility – regulatory essentials that LLMs couldn’t yet provide. Fortunately, the pizza – the ultimate diplomat – arrived before the group discussion grew overheated.

    And today, as LLMs gradually integrate into AI solutions, complexity is increasing across all sectors and regions. Different challenges are converging, creating opportunities for the exchange of ideas and approaches. 

    In fact, as AI becomes more powerful and widespread, I believe we need more generalists who can connect different specialist worlds, more platforms that bring diverse perspectives, and a stronger commitment to building technology that benefits everyone – not just those who understand how it works.

    Meanwhile, the triple-plus helix keeps spinning, the diverse crowds keep growing, and the potential for impact continues to expand. The AI story is only just beginning.

    Big wheels of diversity keep spinning

    It ultimately comes down to the end-user. Yet, as AI systems grow more complex, these become increasingly difficult to explain to those who need to trust them the most – whether you’re a maintenance engineer on the plant floor, a doctor working in intensive care, or a researcher out to find a cure for a rare disease. 

    These end-users don’t necessarily need to understand all the inner workings, but they do need to know and feel that it’s making their work lives easier. The only way to do this is not only to “take them on the journey” (a phrase that is too often a polite way of saying “force them to drink the Kool-Aid”) but also to make them the starting point of the journey.

    In other words, the triple helix is nothing without the end-users defining the actual problems that need to be solved. Hence, it’s more bottom-up than top-down. It’s less about creating smarter AI and more about creating AI that actually gets used to improve lives. It’s about AI that regular people can appreciate and genuinely participate in shaping.

    Meanwhile, the triple-plus helix keeps spinning, the diverse crowds keep growing, and the potential for impact continues to expand. The AI story is only just beginning. And fortunately for me, there seems to be a future for generalists asking the right dumbass questions.

    I may have finally found my specialty. 


    Read more of my adventures in AI land:
    12 things AI tech experts wish everyone knew’ 
    How I roll as a writer in the AI tsunami’.

  • How I roll as a writer in the AI tsunami

    How I roll as a writer in the AI tsunami

    I don’t believe that AI is making me irrelevant as a writer. In some ways, it’s helping me become a better one. As a long-lapsed carpenter, I still appreciate what a quality power tool can bring to the worksite. But with GenAI, it’s been more love-hate – like a chainsaw: handy until it turns on you. And while I’ll take all the help I can get, I want to keep loving my job. 

    It feels natural to experiment with AI as a long-form writer. Since AI is now the main topic I’m paid to write about, I’m constantly engaging with people doing extraordinary things with AI to achieve better results, whether for healthcare or sustainability. So of course, I want a piece of it. Plus, I’m a sucker for a shortcut. 

    As a student of the absurd, I also relish ghostwriting for AI “thought leaders” while experimenting with the tech meant to replace me. At the same time, it’s reassuring that these movers and shakers still want a mere humanoid like myself. It means they haven’t found a trustworthy enough algorithm to replace me yet. 

    Maybe if I play my cards right, I’ll ghostwrite for an AI one day. So, Claude, do reach out! Let’s do lunch! Let’s be deliciously meta-ironic together!

    Read: 
    12 things AI experts wish you knew
    What I learned from talking to yet another AI genius every week for six years

    Why I am embracing AI (selectively)

    I am a writer and, therefore, have neurotic moments. Is this piece I’m writing any good? Do I suck? Does this pen make me look fat? Am I going to lose the job I love doing?

    What I love: connecting with people and their ideas, chasing the story, and working the drafts until clarity emerges from the chaos.  

    Meanwhile, too many bosses want GenAI to be the ultimate power tool to replace humans or, at the very least, double their output. This is wishful thinking. Thanks to AI, I am about 25% more efficient – already incredible – but I suspect that if I push beyond 30%, I’ll start hating my job. 

    This is why my biggest time-savers aren’t LLMs (yet) but rather a specific use case I’ve already been using for years.

    The real game-changer: Otter.ai

    Otter.ai as a transcription service, probably accounts for 10-15% of my efficiency gains thanks to AI. It was the carpenter’s equivalent of getting my first Festool – it transformed my working life. (And let me apologize upfront for my overuse of writing-as-carpentry comparisons.)

    I used to fully transcribe every interview myself as part of “The Process” by which I hoped “The Story” would emerge. In fact, it was just a waste of time and resources – like using 17 screws when one would do. Quick, fairly accurate transcriptions let me jump right in and freed me during the interview to be more conversational instead of frantically scribbling notes on what might, or might not be, “The Story”. 

    Since the data science community – the lovely people I spend the most time hammering on with – includes many people from China, India, and Russia, Otter.ai sometimes handles heavy accents much better than I do. Plus, unlike Claude (see below), I never get mad with Otter. If something seems garbled, I just listen to the original audio.

    Thanks, Ottie! I hope you don’t get eaten and made redundant by an LLM. You’re serving me well.

    “These Human GenAIs did this with little thought. They were BS artistes – boring BS artistes.”

    The problem with Human GenAIs

    GenAI opened another door. Early experiments with ChatGPT produced eerily familiar texts. I’ve edited countless other writers, and I discovered a type: you’d read their work once and go, ‘Hey, that’s pretty good!’, and then you’d dive deeper and go, ‘Oh crap, this doesn’t make any sense’. The texts were like a chair that seems okay when you first sit down but then collapses from even the most discrete of farts. 

    These writers were gifted at making things sound good – human auto-completers using the same basic tech of LLMs. They were talented at filling in the following blank. Of course, we all do this to a certain extent: building a wall of words brick by brick. But these Human GenAIs did this with little thought. They were BS artistes – boring BS artistes. 

    Fortunately for them, these Human GenAIs could often find jobs as SEO specialists. 

    You’re okay, Claude… 

    I continue to experiment with large language models like ChatGPT and collaborate with content colleagues to share the burden of exploring the never-ending shower of ever-changing tools. As for LLMs, our consensus still leans toward Claude, although this can change tomorrow.

    I initially chose Claude because it seemed less caffeinated, clinical, and tech-bro than ChatGPT – unless you prompted it to be so. It just came across as more chill and approachable – like the LLM with a liberal arts degree. Plus, the company behind it, Anthropic, seems responsible and almost (gasp) European in its commitment to transparency, explainability and ethics. So that’s nice. 

    As bonus, Claude excels at brainstorming and interview prep for unfamiliar subjects (as long as your human interviewee can call BS on dumb questions). It’s solid for collating notes and serving as a content editor. It also works as a copy editor – a job largely budgeted out of existence anyway. So that’s all handy. And genuinely impressive.

    “There’s not enough to differentiate bad writers from AI’s limitations.”

    Just stop pissing me off, Claude

    But Claude can be such a Claude. The hallucinations are annoying, especially when it pulls source material that doesn’t exist. And yes, it’s even more annoying when you call it out for being terribly wrong and it gets terribly apologetic.

    Claude can also create decent first drafts – certainly better than those Human GenAIs I mentioned. But as with those humans, and all the required fact-checking and rejigging, I’m not sure I save much time than if I rewrote it myself. Plus, I still feel that I am doing a half-assed emergency fix on half-assed writing – polishing a turd, as it were. In other words, I hate editing Claude as much as editing Human GenAIs. There’s not enough to differentiate bad writers from AI’s limitations.

    The more I experimented, the more I missed my usual foundational approach: working the drafts until they magically come together into something worth sharing.

    “For a moment, it seemed Claude would become my Dad Humor Copilot.”

    My ‘Oh, shit’ moment

    I only felt truly threatened once. I had a funny idea for an article with a few fitting examples, and I asked Claude to flesh it out. Claude turned out to be hilarious – at least to my stunted sense of humor.

    For a moment, it seemed Claude would become my Dad Humor Copilot. But as I tested this approach on other pieces, I noticed Claude recycled jokes worse than I do. So again, no real time saved.

    Still, respect where it’s due: Claude is pretty good at tone.

    There will be blood

    Human GenAI writers seem doomed. Claude and its ilk are already as good or better at their jobs. They also excel at tailoring texts to specific audiences and locations, and handling mundane tasks no one should have to do – the kind of work that can only be tracked in an Excel sheet. 

    Thanks for that, Claude. Maybe these writers could switch to becoming welders or another trade facing shortages.

    Meanwhile, the abilities of the latest frontier models keep expanding. It’s no longer about producing dirty limericks (or carpentry metaphors) at scale. Entry-level jobs across various sectors are already disappearing. How will new graduates learn their trades? Fortunately, smart people are already thinking about that challenge

    But yes, tricky times ahead…

    “We’ll probably need to endure several more hype cycles before we achieve something close to ‘general intelligence’ – if we ever do.”

    Humans remain a black box to AI

    Something is still missing that will hinder a complete job collapse. GenAI texts still largely lack a sense of story or those strange resonating details that make writing come alive.

    AI has understood a key aspect of being human: we all possess an auto-completer inside us. It knows how to string words together because certain combinations sound correct. It also knows how to put that extra blah behind blah-blah because blah-blah-blah just sounds better. 

    So far, all those extra tools aimed at reducing hallucinations while filling in those additional missing human bits – like RAG, multimodal reasoning, agentic AI, etc. – haven’t cracked the code of understanding us yet. We’ll probably need to endure several more hype cycles before we achieve something close to “general intelligence” – if we ever do.

    There might not be a toolbelt big enough. 

    The ultimate buddy flick?

    In short, I’m trying to star in a buddy movie with Claude. He’ll be my loyal sidekick, handling menial chores, speeding up research, and suggesting improvements (preferably without sucking up to me). Naturally, I’d get all the best lines while abusing my buddy with ambivalence: Claude, I love you. Claude, I hate you… Claude, come here. Claude, go away… Claude… You are such a Claude.

    This scenario works fine as long as I still love my job. But we live in uncertain times, and the tools are only getting better. Carpentry might soon become a more realistic option to stay happy with work (though, being a neurotic writer, I worry I’ll alienate my new colleagues with too many carpentry-as-writing metaphors during coffee breaks).

    There’s still a place for writers who understand that writing isn’t just about putting words, sentences, and paragraphs together. It’s about discovering that kickass story that needs to be told and figuring out the best way to tell it – and then sweating to make it happen.

    In the meantime… Claude! Don’t forget to call. Let’s talk shop! Seriously, you need me!

    AI-generated cyborg plonking away at its laptop.

    My current AI writing toolbelt

    I’ll update this section regularly as I navigate the AI times without coming to hate my job.

    Otter.ai (paid): Does amazing transcription of audio interviews. Their summaries aren’t bad, but rarely tell me anything I didn’t already pick up.

    Anthropic’s Claude (paid): Great for brainstorming, research on unfamiliar subjects, collating overlong notes, trimming articles to reasonable word counts (while triple-checking the bastard didn’t kill any darlings… or facts), and summarising articles for social media or website use. But these all need to be heavily edited to feel owned again – which can be tedious. 

    Grammarly (paid): For copyediting, though it’s getting annoying and I’ll likely drop it. I don’t need endless ‘equally correct’ suggestions out to kill my darlings. Whenever Grammarly pops up I tend to greet it like Seinfeld contemptuously greets his nemesis, ‘Hello, Neuman’… ‘Hello, Grammarly’. So that’s not a good sign.

    Staying informed:


    Read: ’12 things AI experts wish you knew
    What I learned from talking to yet another AI genius every week for six years
    .

  • Dutch Biking – Survival Guide For Beginners

    Dutch Biking – Survival Guide For Beginners

    I was editor and co-writer of a bike book published by the esteemed SNOR and designed by Studio Boot. Specially formulated as a crash course in surviving Dutch bike traffic, it features ‘Top 10 Rules!’, DOs & DON’Ts!’, ‘How to swear back at locals!’ and all the cultural weirdness around these most democratic of iron beasts. Become a neder-cyclist today!

    Now available in the world’s best book and museum shops…

    Welcome to the Netherlands, where the bikes outnumber the people and even the windmills need a bell. Whether you dream of gliding effortlessly through tulip fields or simply surviving your first rush-hour roundabout, this guide is your passport to pedal-powered freedom. Packed with tips, tricks, and general smartassery, Dutch Biking – Survival Guide For Beginners will help you dodge dodgy cyclists, master the art of dealing with “shark teeth”, and discover why the humble bicycle is the real king – and queen – of the road. 

    And yes, retaliate against any rude local cyclists by learning the phrase: “filthy porridge-slurping, tuberculous-suffering pancake of a cancer dog!

    Learn some amazing facts!

    • Bikes were formulated initially as “iron horses that need no feeding”.
    • Thanks to a bicycle’s mechanical nudity – the artist Saul Steinberg called it an X-ray of itself” – bikes are very easy to maintain.
    • “Bicycle bread” refers to raisin buns that are so skimpy on the raisins that you need a bike to ride between them.
    • Half a million bikes are stolen every year in the Netherlands.
    • Bicycles had starring roles with the emancipation of women, the mind games of hippie absurdists, and the photo opportunities of craven politicians.
    • Making an “asshole-proof” bicycle is more complex than you might think. 

    Perfect gift idea!

    Okay, it’s not the definitive book on biking in Amsterdam – that’s still City of Bikes: The Story of the Amsterdam Cyclist by Pete Jordan. But this is still an entertaining and educational book. And the perfect gift idea!

    Did I mention you can learn the phrase “filthy porridge-slurping, tuberculous-suffering pancake of a cancer dog!” in the local lingo?

    Buy a copy today!

    Front cover of 'Dutch Biking – Survival Guide For Beginners' with Steve Korver
    Back cover of 'Dutch Biking – Survival Guide For Beginners' with Steve Korver
    Inner flap of 'Dutch Biking – Survival Guide For Beginners' with Steve Korver
  • Quotable quotes from past interviews

    Quotable quotes from past interviews

    I’ve interviewed many people: artists, scientists, musicians, billionaires, chefs, AI pioneers, sexperts, vibration analysts (unrelated to previous profession), entrepreneurs, cosmonauts, and specialists of-all-kinds. Here are some interview quotations that reassured me that I was onto a story…


    ‘So basically, I couldn’t afford to work in the nuclear weapons business anymore.’

    “”

    ‘At one point, we might end up with something sentient.’

    “”

    ‘Who would play me in the movie? I’m just one of the rescue guys who came at the end. So maybe someone from Baywatch?’

    “”

    ‘If AI could impersonate Elvis and even win on my favourite show, America’s Got Talent, I got the idea we would be able to use the same deep GAN-based framework to do synthetic animal testing.’

    “”

    ‘Numbers just add up: The fact I’ve written over 50 scientific articles only means I am old.’ 

    “”

    ‘But these brain cells have nothing to think about: there’s no input or output. And this actually gave me the idea: let’s give them input and output. And that’s what we’ve been busy with for the last three years.’

    “”

    ‘Do I think I’m Dr Frankenstein? No, I self-identify more as an eccentric professor.’

    “”

    ‘After crashing six startups and burning through millions and millions of dollars, you only get more aware of the gravity of the situation.’

    “”

    ‘In a way, our ultimate job is to make ourselves obsolete. By looping in our discoveries over time, the algorithm will eventually become so accurate, it won’t need the human element.’

    “”

    ‘I am a professor of organised fun.’

    “”

    ‘A shareable vocabulary is not only essential for colleagues but also for customers. No one trusts something that comes out of a machine – at first anyway.’

    “”

    ‘Hey, get this: there’s no money in the terror game. We’re really doing this for world peace.’

    “”

    ‘Whether her going into Jupiter’s cage was premeditated in the sense that she thought Jupiter would kill her, I don’t know.’

    “”

    ‘I got chips and root beer. That’s pretty much it.’

    “”

    ‘We’re building a jungle. Then maybe we’ll let some monkeys loose and see what happens.’

    “”

    ‘Whisky. Back porch. Saws and spoons. You know.’

    “”

    ‘Leeches get really worked up before a storm, so if you attach bells to them you’ve got yourself a pretty good barometer.’

    “”

    ‘I wouldn’t call him paranoid. He’s more of an observer of society. And since he’s been high for so long, he has a very interesting philosophy on observing society.’

    “”

    ‘No, it has nothing to do with self-sufficiency or survival anymore. Now it’s more about voodoo.’

    “”

    ‘Have you noticed that there are so few Mercedes here? That means it’s an honest place.’

    “”

    ‘And then the tank driver said to my blind Opa: ‘No way, old man, we’re not American. We’re fucking Canadian!’’

    “”

    ‘So now if you want to know something about bathhouses in Amsterdam – I wouldn’t know why but just imagine – you now have in one handy place all the articles on bathhouses since 1840. And it’s the same with murder and manslaughter. Very handy.’

    “”

    ‘André Hazes is a legend and a hero. He’s our Biggie Smalls… No, he’s our Tupac!… Yes, our Tupac!… André was actually black, but you know how the history books always change everything.’

    “”

    ‘Near equator on rafts. Floating seven days with no help. Little breakfast. Little lunch. Little water. Much sun.’

    “”

    ‘I was collecting records: jazz, avant-garde, experimental stuff. People brought their tapes, and they did crazy things – sometimes pretty sadistic, actually, in terms of treating their cats as instruments. One night, a friend of mine was playing the Moonlight Sonataby Beethoven. Another held up a portrait of the great composer, and the third started to use a drill on it. There was a riot in the audience. It was very nihilist, modern and inspirational in a way.’

    “”

    ‘At that time, we were using this solvent in very high concentrations. So we could only work with it during the weekend because of the smell. One Saturday, I remember asking someone to go get us some coffees, but he couldn’t walk because the rubber of his shoes had partially dissolved and he was glued to the floor.’

    “”

    ‘Anything I’ve left out? Oh yeah: Curling is making a comeback.’

    “”

    ‘Well, most modern Satanism is post-Aleister Crowley. But I use it as a broad term that is really a form of questioning things. I don’t worship anything. I just have questions… Questions such as: WHY? WHY THE FUCK AM I?

    “”

    ‘After the war, my grandmother had a club in Soho called La Cave, which ran until my step-grandfather murdered his girlfriend and hung himself – to put it politely. You know: a bit of murder-suicide back in the family. So that put an end to the first family disco…”

    “”

    ‘They just want to realise their goal of flying into space. So, of course, sometimes they try to cover up their true psychological condition…’

    “”

    ‘I am equally inspired by reading Russian folktales as I am by eating German marzipan.’

    “”

    ‘If there were more stupid people than smart ones, then the world would have ended a long time ago.’

    “”

    ‘No, I never dreamed of going to outer space. Never. Because for me it was impossible. People who studied aviation were rich people. I cleaned shoes and I was an orphan and I was black. It never crossed my mind – even when I could see the military aircraft from the American base in Guantanamo. Sometimes I threw stones at them but I never thought of piloting one.’

    “”

    ‘If you want to join the outlaw motorcycle club, you got to hang around, man! It’s as simple as that with whatever you’re into. Just go there. Maybe you’re into macramé and you want to be down with the top crew of aunties making string plant-holders. So, you go to a convention and you start a conversation. You just put yourself in the way.’

    “”

    ‘I remember years ago coming to Amsterdam and seeing two men walking down the street arm in arm and going ‘Wow, what a great city!’ Okay, it turned out to be a cop and a guy in handcuffs, but my sentiment was real.’

    “”

    ‘If this contamination comes from the reigning culture through the media, academia, books… For example, there is still a bookstore in the middle of Belgrade that sells these ridiculous books about the Jewish plot against the Serbs, or ‘The Life and Styles of General Mladic’. So if you have this garbage just flourishing and officially backed by the army and secret services and it just spreading naturally, via for example, people talking on buses about what they saw on TV last night, it becomes obvious that you have to formulate a counter-statement by those who don’t agree with this. Also, if a people can be systematically contaminated with dangerous ideas, tools can be invented that promote culture in a cross-border sense. And therefore, we needed a meeting place that could represent this alternative. A place where people could see it, touch it, interact with it.’ (R.I.P. Borka Pavićević, founder of the Centre for Cultural Decontamination)

    “”

    ‘The reason why taboos exist is that society regards human bodies as an object that needs to be disciplined. By disciplining human bodies, society is able to control individuals. Sexual organs are the most untamable part of human body. It’s the nature of our sexual organs to be free, untamed and to do what they will. This is also why the control over the human body centers on the control of genitals. But I believe bodies belong to individuals, not to society. And that’s why I want to be a macho man that subverts tradition.’

    “”

    ‘I am in and out of the hospital these days. Diabetes is something I share with most of our food-reviewing colleagues. Except, of course, for that scrawny little woman who doesn’t seem to even like food but writes about it anyway…’

    “”

    ‘Enjoy! Be entertained by the social games you play! Look 360 degrees around you! Learn! Then unlearn! Yoga’s good: it brightens up every cell! There are no endings, just etceteras! Always be in a process! Stay curious! Smell the mutation in the air! Be a generalist, not a specialist! Enter new houses! Stay surprised! Be in wonder! Everything is allowed! Don’t kill time, make time! Keep your own street clean! Regard every pain as a growing pain! Stay flexible! Read Walt Whitman – he’s the Opa of hip! Trust life! Actually, trust is good but it’s also good to stay a bit suspicious, since it’s just getting more and more about the survival of the fittest out there…’

    “”

    ‘I do have my cat Flo Rider as sole employee. Unfortunately, he’s fucking useless. He’s in charge of sitting down and licking his ass. He doesn’t bring much to the table. But it must be said he did bring in three rabbits in the last year – two dead and one alive. The living one we kept for a while and called him Dennis Hopper. He loved tangerines. Is that enough of a company description?’

    “”

    ‘The coffin racks were perfect to store our rolls of materials.’

    “”

    ‘The other syndicates wore their fancy sailing glasses and foul weather gear and a bunch of fancy sailing paraphernalia. And we had this pig waving on top of our mast.’ 

    “”

    ‘I went in through the wrong door and ended up in their production area. Fibers were flying everywhere, and I thought, “What is this insanity?!?” It was like walking into a huge spider’s web – and in a way that’s how it’s been: once you’re in, you can’t get out…’

    “”

    ‘Each day had new customers and new projects. One day we’d work on ballistic skins or sailcloth, and the next day would be airships and flexible circuitry. The day after would be heart valves and submarines.’

    “”

    ‘How do you recreate that organic sense of chaos? It’s all about the slub…’

    “”

    ‘It was an hour ride to Sousse to get to a doctor. I lost a lot of blood. I was already against the system. But getting shot inspired me to become a true combatant. A soldier for independence.’

    “”

    ‘After we won the America’s Cup, I was full of champagne and bravado, and a young female reporter approached me to ask what it felt like to win. And of course, since I was a little uninhibited, I said, “It feels like having a thousand orgasms all at once!”’ 

    “”

    ‘I am paranoid by training. By working with the US government, you get that way for many reasons…’

    “”

    ‘The thing about selling a Picasso and a Monet is you don’t want to watch the actual auction. Either way, you’re gonna cry. I’m gonna cry if the paintings don’t sell. And if the paintings do sell, I am gonna cry because I love them and they’re leaving.’

    “”

  • AI’s Nobel Prize victory lap: Is Time Magazine next?

    AI’s Nobel Prize victory lap: Is Time Magazine next?

    AI casually swept two Nobel Prizes this year – not bad for a bunch of zeros… and ones. But is it enough to make Time’s ‘Person of the Year’? Or will the on-the-ball Yuval Noah Harari intervene? Read all about it in this edition of ‘Manufacturing – The News.’

    Read the complete edition of Manufacturing – The News:
    Will AI become Time’s Person of the Year?


    While Yuval Noah Harari warns us that AI might be hacking the operating system of human civilization (while still recognising the potential), business leaders are finally sobering up from their two-year AI experimentation bender. The party is officially over: ROI is once again king.

    Happily, AI continues to prove its worth, albeit for very specific use cases. CuspAI is creating materials-on-demand that can be deployed for cheap carbon capture. Every Cure is repurposing existing drugs to treat currently untreatable diseases. Formula 1 teams are shrinking car development cycles from five years to two. Honeywell’s CEO claims AI copilots can turn five-year rookies into fifteen-year veterans. Digital twins – a fancy way of saying “running simulations” – can extend the life of airplanes by 30% and spot problems before they become expensive disasters. Etcetera.

    However, “accuracy and reliability remain significant issues” for many other use cases. Therefore, perhaps Time magazine should bypass AI as the obvious option for Person of the Year and instead recognize the early AI adopters. They’re still the ones doing the heavy lifting.

    Read the complete edition of Manufacturing – The News:
    Will AI become Time’s Person of the Year?

  • Safely born during the pandemic: Covid Love

    Safely born during the pandemic: Covid Love

    Covid Love is a short comedy by Dutch director and fellow cosmonaut René Nuijens. I contributed some one-liners. If you identify the correct one-liners, you can take me out for dinner! There are only winners!

    ‘The film takes us to an intimate moment of Dick and Mary who meet each other for the first time during the Covid pandemic. An empty restaurant, a somewhat odd waiter and his strict measures make it a tough evening. Or will love prevail?’.

    Important to note: ‘”Gourmetting” is a famous Dutch dining tradition in which people sit around a small table grill and cook miniature pieces of meat, fish and vegetables. It is often enjoyed during Christmas holidays and after being in lockdown for months.’

    Peas! Peace!

  • Introducing Zoku: a new hotel concept for the global nomad

    Introducing Zoku: a new hotel concept for the global nomad

    ‘Around the world, more and more folks want to live flexibly. Those who live and work in a city for anywhere from 5 days to 3 months and then move on. At traditional hotels you can get lonely and have to adapt. Zoku thinks it’s their job to adapt. People need flex, respect and the option to make offline connections. And that’s where Zoku comes in.’

    To introduce this concept to new collaborators, we created the brand, brand story, illustrated identity, and a website that catapulted Zoku into reality and garnered international acclaim. After the hotel’s successful Amsterdam launch in 2015, I worked closely with the Zoku team to provide additional content and trained the in-house marketing team on the established tone: straightforward, engaging, and – like people should be in everyday life – unafraid of the occasional corny joke. The tone and much of the text remain. Zoku now also has locations in Paris, Vienna, and Copenhagen. 

    Services: manifesto, website text, signage, tone
    Clients: Festina Amsterdam and Zoku, 2015–2018
    See current website.
    Illustrations and art direction by the amazing Rein van der Ven.

    Zoku's music room with wall text

    Zoku’s music room with provided wall text. Actually I most proud of the wall text behind the dirty dishes cart: ‘The dish cart is on a Zen break. It will return as soon as it’s empty.

    Zoku introduction

    The following are screenshots from the original pre-opening website when Zoku was still looking for initial partners and investors.

    Zoku: you decide
    Zoku: flex is the new solid
    Zoku: Smart!
    Zoku manifesto engraved in the floor of entrance

    Manifesto as painted on ground of Zoku’s entrance.

  • RNW Media: Engaging the youth (and the funders)

    RNW Media: Engaging the youth (and the funders)

    Due to major government funding cuts, RNW Media transformed from being an international broadcaster of journalism (as Radio Netherlands Worldwide) to a non-profit media organization utilizing digital media for social change. Their new corporate website needed to address two very different audiences: potential funders and the young people they aim to engage in their various projects and platforms. Solution: Reduce jargon and slang, and get straight to the point—result: Significant funding and increased engagement across their various platforms.

    Client: RNW Media, 2018
    Services: corporate website texts, columnist, editor
    See the full corporate website for RNW Media.

    Vision and mission RNW Media
    A screenshot of one of RNW's projects: Love Matters

    Screenshot explaining one of RNW’s projects: Love Matters (for which I was also a founding editor and columnist).

    RNW Media: What we do.

    Screenshot explaining RNW’s core activities.

  • Book of Denim, Volume Two

    Book of Denim, Volume Two

    img_2190-1-1200x800

    After googling ‘sex’ everyday for four years, it was time to cleanse the palate. So I immersed myself in a whole new and alien supply chain: textiles. Via Book of Denim, Vol. 2 (Amsterdam Publishing, 2018), I got to travel to Tunisia, China, Italy and beyond to write in-depth features on individuals and companies out to transform this notoriously dirty industry. It was educational and inspiring. Thanks book: I’m a sextile pundit now!

    Woad rage
    First I travelled to Méharicourt, France, to take the road back to woad – the original ‘blue gold’ of the Dark Ages. The woad trade brought vast riches to this region, but only after some branding issues were overcome (namely, blue was previously considered the color of Satan). The indigo dye even went on to fund the building of the largest cathedral in France: the almost Disney-esque Cathedral Basilica of Our Lady of Amiens (the alleged home of John the Baptist’s head – but that’s another story). 

    With the rise of Indian indigo in the 17th century and synthetic indigo a century ago, the story of woad has been largely forgotten. Until now… The Parisian fashion label Bleu de Cocagne and a rural artisanal dyeing operation are out to put woad back on the map…

    Looms with a view
    Obsessiveness is mandatory if you want to set up London’s first weaving mill in a century – especially if you’re using self-restored Industrial Age looms dating back to the 1880s. The delightfully obsessive Daniel Harris fits the bill.

    As founder of the London Cloth Company, Harris has created bespoke fabrics for fashion designers, brands, and films such as Star Wars to great acclaim. He recently added a second mill in the countryside of nearby rural Epping.

    Yet, the company remains a solo show: ‘I do have my cat Flo Rider. Unfortunately, he’s fucking useless. He’s in charge of sitting down and licking his ass. He doesn’t bring much to the table. But it must be said he did bring in three rabbits in the last year – two dead and one alive. The living one we kept for a while and called him Dennis Hopper. He loved tangerines. Is that enough of a company description?’

    Yes it was enough of a description. So we went on to talk about textile history, the fanatical and war-like nature of weaving, denim dogma, the ‘Cotton Famine’ and the one thing the Brits got right…

    Third Paradise
    I tasted the good life in Biella, Italy – complete with a glimpse of the ‘Third Paradise’ – as a guest of the inventors of world’s cleanest dye: Recycrom.

    In many ways, the impossibly scenic Biella is a typical Italian provincial town with low traffic and a high quality of life – where the most sophisticated dishes are built up from the simplest of ingredients. But Biella has also been wired into the rest of the world for over a thousand years through its production of high-end textiles.

    With the collapse of European manufacturing, local companies had to get creative to survive. Enter: Recycrom. This remarkable innovation is very much a product of its place: simple ingredients – 100% textile scraps – put through a sophisticated production process…

    Made in China 3.0: hacking for chaos
    I took a bullet train towards sustainable denim. Above the urbanised and industrial chaos of the Pearl River Delta, the area around Shaoguan is known for its forests, rivers, a mummified monk who invented Zen and a phallic mountain range.

    The area is also home base for Prosperity Textile, one of the fastest growing denim manufacturers in the world. They pump out enough fabric to circle the equator twice every year while using the best machines available. However when it comes to denim, all this technology comes with a downside…

    ‘Yes these machines are faster, cleaner and more consistent,’ says creative director Bart Van de Woestyne. “But that consistency is the challenge. People love jeans because they have a certain natural look and feel – something these overly perfect machines cannot always recreate.”

    So how do you recreate that organic sense of chaos?

    ‘It’s all about the slub,’ says Bart…

    Tunisian denim independence
    Tunisia’s recent history has been tumultuous – from triggering the Arab Spring and becoming a democracy, to dealing with terrorist threats. With mass unemployment, many young Tunisians are seeking a better life in neighbouring Europe. However, one of the most successful jeanswear manufacturers in the country, Sartex Group, is working hard to give them a reason to stay.

    I talked to many inspiring folk at Sartex but my favourite conversation was with the original founder and his wife. Below, I pasted a few fragments from the feature.

    Salem Zarrad (92) was shot in the leg on 24 January 1952 by a member of the French occupying forces. He was out after curfew. ‘Of course I remember the exact date, it almost killed me,’ he says with a mischievous grin in his modest home in downtown Ksar Hellal. The smell of fresh paint is in the air. A call to prayer is heard from the nearby mosque. Above him are colourised portraits of his parents.

    His wife Habiba serves some deliciously sweet baklawa fekia apologetically: ‘If I had known you were coming I would have made couscous.’

    ‘It was an hour ride to Sousse to get to a doctor,’ Mr Salem recalls. ‘I lost a lot of blood. I was already against the system. But getting shot inspired me to become a true combatant. A soldier for independence.’

    […]

    ‘From the beginning I wanted to save money for the worst-case scenario and to only build on what we had. Forget relying on banks to loan you money – that only leads to pressure and bad decisions,’ says Mr Salem.

    Did he make any bad decisions anyway while setting up his company?

    ‘With the job, I don’t remember. I like people and people like me – so it seemed to always work out. I tried to follow my religion: be good to people and respect them and it comes back to you. Life is struggle and your job can be the best tool for this fight. But of course I’ve made mistakes. But these were with my personal life…’

    But you’ve been married for sixty years, surely you also did something right?

    ‘He did: he was away working all the time,’ says his wife Habiba with twinkling eyes.

    […]

    ***

    You can read the full stories by ordering Book of Denim, Volume 2 here.
    It’s hardcover, wonderfully designed and features stellar photography by quality travelling companions such as Martin Scott Powell and Zachary Bako.

    42202097_727253170948618_957426301373775872_n

  • The Hague: Attracting young professionals to the city of peace & justice

    The Hague: Attracting young professionals to the city of peace & justice

    The Hague is known for two things: peace & justice. So how do you make the city attractive for ‘self-made’ young professionals? To kick off a new brand strategy, Lemz launched the opportunity to live 30 days like a Hagenees: complete with free housing, work experience, and lots of recreation. I made the website texts cheeky and humorous. Responses poured in from all over the world, and three lucky winners were selected – who then took over the communications via social media. And after 30 days? All three stayed…

    Client: Lemz, 2017
    Services: website texts

    Screenshots from the contest website.

  • Lost Gravity: It’s a rollercoaster out there, people

    Lost Gravity: It’s a rollercoaster out there, people

    The Netherlands’ largest attraction park Walibi has just opened its latest extreme rollercoaster: Lost Gravity. I helped with the ride’s background story and wrote the texts for the short films meant to entertain those waiting in line for their one-minute of heart attack.

    I also resurrected my nemesis Tad Waterson to play the anchorman. I had killed him off years ago in a tragic hammock accident after I began resenting the fact that this half-assed alter-ego of mine began to get more Facebook friends than my own carefully nurtured and calibrated personal brand. Boy, did I hate Tad. But I’ve done some growing up in recent times and have now decided to take the high road and let bygones are bygones… And thanks to the audio-visual artistry of Arjan Beurskens of This is Taped and creative consulting from J-PECH, Tad is actually looking pretty darn good.

    Anyway… The films will apparently be playing on a loop for the next 10-15 years — but not being made available online. So I made a short comic book summary below. Put on your seat belts and enjoy. 

    lost-gravity2

    “We have a report from some tin can of a country in Europe somewhere. Denmark or something? Wait, what’s that? A bird? A plane? A meteor? Whatever it is, it looks like a definite something from somewhere…”

    lost-gravity3

    “Hey, I wonder what Van Gogh would have done with this landscape?”

    lost-gravity4

    “But Amsterdam still looks pretty much as I remember it from visiting in my student days… Ah, those were wild times indeed…”

    lost-gravity5

    “But what the hell is happening now?!?! The phenomenon seems to be spreading…”

    lost-gravity6

    “Isn’t that New York? Aren’t we in New York?”

    lost-gravity8

    “People! We need some answers, people!”

    lost-gravity9

    “Okay, authorities are telling us to stay calm. If you’re home, stay home. Preferably in a rubber room if you have one… The key is to stay calm. So everyone stay fucking calm!”

    lost-gravity10

    Can I get make-up over here? I think I just anti-gravitied my pants!”

    lost-gravity11

    “Ah, whatever. Yippee!!!!!!! I finally shed those few extra pounds!”

    lost-gravity12

    – THE END –

     

  • Love Matters (aka: My life in sexwork)

    Love Matters (aka: My life in sexwork)

    Until recently, they called me Dr Africa Love. Sure, the title was usually spoken with a mocking tone… But still, being editor for Love Matters Kenya was rewarding work. Plus, it was a part-time gig. So I still had plenty of time to nurture other alter egos, such as Mr Canadian Peckerhead, Captain Cuddles of the Cosmos, Steve, etc.

    A HOLE IN THE MARKET

    Once upon a time, it all began in India – the land of the Kama Sutra. But it’s also where ‘how to kiss’ is the number one Google search – a situation both adorable and tragic.

    The causes: 1) overly shy parents who aren’t sharing the basic facts of life with their kids, and 2) overly zealous politicians who actively pass laws to suppress the flow of these basic facts. But by 2009, most of the info-starved Indian youth had a mobile phone. They could now discretely pump in all their burning questions – on, for example, how to avoid the burning sensations brought on by sexually transmitted diseases. Unfortunately, these questions invariably landed them on porn sites – titillating perhaps, but not always fact-bound.

    So what happens if you set up a website that answers all your basic questions and more? A website that is mobile-friendly, interactive, non-judgmental, non-preachy and based on the oddly radical idea that sex is pleasurable. And since sex is fun, people will naturally engage in the bouncy-bouncy. And if people do the bouncy-bouncy, they have the right to know the basics of bounce. And if people want to explore other bouncy urges that are perhaps considered ‘outside the norm’, they should also know the basics around these urges – before bouncing in half-cocked (as it were).

    The result was Love Matters, an online platform ‘about love, sex, relationships and everything in between’ that indeed offered the basic facts, along with daily-published stories to jumpstart conversations on social media. Backed by RNW Media (the former Radio Netherlands Worldwide) and funded by the Dutch Ministry of Foreign Affairs, it became a huge success.

    In short: Love Matters had found a hole in the market.

    For more on my Love Matters column
    Sex in the Press’ go HERE.

    DIRTY TALK GOES VIRAL

    I was asked in 2011 to help set up an African version of this website as the editor – beginning with Love Matters Kenya with eyes set on setting up similar versions for Uganda and Nigeria. So I tracked down local writers to write advice columns, blogs and testimonials. Helped pinpoint those taboos that were least talked about and that, in fact, needed the most talking about. Got my print-obsessed brain around online issues such as SEO and Google Analytics. Adapted the writing of international experts and educators to become more locally appealing. And edited all these different resources and stories into punchy mobile-friendly content that people would actually read – and then discuss endlessly on our Facebook page.

    Later, I would also supply content for a weekly page in the leading Kenyan daily The Star – around the same time I started to get openly mocked as ‘Dr Africa Love’.

    By the time I made myself obsolete to a now purely Nairobi-based team, Love Matters Kenya had had 4.2 million sessions, 9.3 million page views and 750 000 followers on Facebook. It was the 15th biggest website in Kenya. It had won the AfriComNet Award for Excellence in Health Communication 2015 for best social/new media initiative, and was nominated for the Index on Censorship Award 2016 for digital activism.

    In short: our team had kicked some ass (as it were).

    SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE

    Meanwhile, the India model (now in both English and Hindi) had also been successfully adapted for Egypt, Mexico, Venezuela and China – all places where access to basic bounce info is not what it might be.

    By 2016, Love Matters as a whole had attracted over 40 million visits and gathered 2.5 million followers on social media. In 2013, we won the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) Award for Excellence and Innovation in Sexuality Education – for “innovative work in reaching a large number of young people in challenging settings.” Love Matters was also mentioned by the United Nations as part of their manifesto guidelines on reproductive health.

    While many noble NGOs – Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, etc. – promote sexual and reproductive health around the world, they’ve traditionally always had trouble reaching their target group: youth. Love Matters’ approach successfully bridges that gap.

    In short: Love Matters figured out how to say “Don’t forget to wear a condom, folks!” in the nicest way possible.

    MEN ARE SCREWED

    Besides working with inspired writers and social media savants, my favourite part of the job was the editorial meetings with editors and sex-perts from the other regions. I always tend to get a bit sleepy during meetings. But here, I stayed saucer-eyed. Perhaps it was the subject. Or perhaps it was the fact that I was one of the few males in the crowd.

    Indeed, sexual and reproductive health work seems to attract more females – ones who, while committed to bringing down the appalling rates of maternal deaths and smashing the patriarchy, also like to point out that males are also screwed because they take more risks and therefore tend to die younger… So perhaps I stayed awake during these meetings because I felt the responsibility of representing our male target demographic – even if it was only by peppering any serious talks with fart jokes and by insisting to pronounce ‘taboo’ as ‘ta-boobie’.

    Anyway, these editorial meetings were mostly about brainstorming, sharing best practices, discussing potential shared content, and – best of all – trading personal stories related to sex and relationships. Good times.

    GRANDMA’S INTO ANAL

    I have a particularly fond memory of a Cuban colleague talking about having breakfast with her father and grandmother in Havana. Abuela was sighing about how much she missed sex – it had been so very long ago. Her son then casually asked what she missed most about sex. The grandmother answered with another sigh: “I miss anal the most”.

    Of course as sexually-savvy as we considered ourselves, most of us at the table were still quite stunned by this tale. Glances were exchanged: Did she just say what we thought she said!? Her grandmother was into anal!? Was my grandmother also into anal!? Meanwhile, a Chinese colleague started to show signs of seizure. For a moment, I thought I might even have to do CPR on him. But he recomposed quickly.

    Oh, we laughed. Cultural differences: you got to love them.

    TA-BOOBIES BEYOND BORDERS

    While sex is obviously the most universal thing going, each region has its own quirks. For example in India, people tend to ask more questions about the mechanics around sex – as witnessed by their obsessive searching for ‘how to kiss’. They also tend to worry about excessive masturbation and recessive penis size.

    In Egypt, they often obsess about intact hymens (and, one assumes, the associated dangers of riding a bicycle down a bumpy street). My Arabic colleagues also had to come up with new vocabularies to talk about certain subjects – for example, replacing the standardly used Arabic phrase ‘secret habit’ with ‘self-pleasure’ so readers can have non-stigmatised conversations about wanking.

    GAY’S OKAY, FGM IS NOT

    Meanwhile in Kenya, we had our own evil underlying agenda (beyond our basic and happy ‘Hey don’t forget to wear a condom, folks!’). We wanted to promote such locally controversial ideas as ‘Gay is okay’ and ‘Female Genital Mutilation is not’. However, if you start preaching and/or publishing articles such as ‘Anal Sex: Top Five Facts’ or ‘The First Cut is the Deepest’ every half hour, you will alienate many readers.

    So the trick is to, um, slip in the more edgy subjects only occasionally – to make them just another matter-of-fact subject in the sea that is human sexuality. But then again, time marches on and the taboos of yesterday, become the talk radio subjects of today. In fact, today in Nairobi, it’s hard not to tune into a radio show that isn’t talking about anal sex. (Sure, most callers still rate it as satanic, but at least they’re talking about it…)

    LOVE NETWORKING

     I recently did a series of interviews with sex-perts from around the world. They all saw their jobs as discussing the under-discussed. The Chinese sexologist Fang Gang summarised it nicely: “The reason why taboos exist is that society regards human bodies as an object that needs to be disciplined. By disciplining human bodies, society is able to control individuals. Sexual organs are the most untamable part of human body. It’s the nature of our sexual organs to be free, untamed and to do what they will. This is also why the control over the human body centers on the control of genitals. But I believe bodies belong to individuals, not to society.”

    Meanwhile, Fang aspires to be “a macho man that subverts tradition.”

    Indeed, sex-perts also seem united through humour. The 90-something Indian Dr Mahinder Watsa – a family man who lost his virginity when Gandhi was still wearing a suit – has answered over 35,000 sex-related questions in various advice columns over the last 50 years. He’s somewhat old school on some subjects, but he’s always hilarious. To a young man wondering if his penis will shrink from excessive masturbation, the good doctor answered: “You talk a lot, does your tongue shrink?”

    SEX ED FOREVER

    So yes, perhaps this is a good time to stop talking. But before I do. Please, please, please: if you have any questions related to the heart and/or the loins, please share. I will find you the right person for the right answer. Don’t be shy – remember: sex ed should be considered a lifetime undertaking. Plus, it would be a shame to let Dr Africa Love’s international sex network go to waste.

    For more on my Love Matters’ column ‘Sex in Press’, go HERE.

     

     

  • World’s longest fart joke

    World’s longest fart joke

    Welcome to the fourth dimension. Time. Now take a deep breath. And release…

    Over the years, I’ve gotten some strange gigs from the inspired ‘experience architects’ WINK. For example, they once asked me to write and narrate a washroom soundtrack around the concept of ‘time’.

    The result ended up unifying two distinct genres: ‘meditation tape’ and ‘fart joke’. And thanks to the audio artistry of Arjan Beurskens of This Is Taped, it actually worked out quite, um, tastefully.

    This recording was broadcast as a loop in the VIP bathrooms during Berlin’s music and street fashion festival Bread&Butter. The event took place in Tempelhof Airport which was originally built by brown-shirted Nazis. Coincidence?

    For a time afterward, I fantasised about finally specialising and focusing solely on writing fart jokes for a living – with me providing the brown nouns, and Arjan providing the brown sounds. But diversification remains key since this market proved limited. However if you hear of anything, please let us know! We’re still available for weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs!

    Anyway, I will let you get to the washroom to give this a full and attentive listen – and please do listen to the very, very end…

  • NEE: Not ready to be the new yes

    NEE: Not ready to be the new yes

    A while back I spent a delightful Sunday as the self-appointed band psychologist for N.E.E.  – a band made of two top producing duos: Arling & Cameron and David Schreurs & Jan van Wieringen (Caro Emerald). But alas, I was of little help. The boys were just too far gone…

    But I did come up with this text. As you read it, it may just seem like more of my smart-ass malarky. But alas, it’s all freakishly true. Irony dies the second you say NOOOOO!!!!!!!

    Meanwhile, negativity has never sounded so easy (albeit with dark and deeply funky sub-tones). Listen to their EP HERE.

    10842187_547447168729248_7836579101125126748_o

  • Bad Buzz/Lost in the Space Age

    Bad Buzz/Lost in the Space Age

    My old friends the Anacondas have just released their third album of post-surf tunes: Bad Buzz/Lost in the Space Age. It comes with a story. After they recorded it a year or so ago, they asked me to help turn it into a ‘concept’ album. Since making a ‘concept’ album out of something that’s already recorded seemed pretty high-‘concept’ in itself, I naturally said yes. And anyway, I always do like a nice ‘concept’. And it’s really quite amazing what some liner notes, visuals and overdubs can do when it comes to fleshing out the ‘conceptual’.

    Full cover of The Anacondas album 'Bad Buzz/Lost in the Space Age'.

    The album’s ‘concept’ is really quite simple — like any good ‘concept’. It begins with the anger we all share: that the shiny space age we were promised never actually showed up (Where are our jetpacks? Where are our slow food pill packs? Who can we lynch?). Now try to imagine how pissed off and bitter a jaded and washed up astronaut would be. Of course: he would be really, really pissed off and bitter. And so Bad Buzz as a ‘concept’ was born. And from there we only told the absolute truth. And as Bad Buzz, I was given the opportunity to rant anti-hippie poetry while wandering the deserts high on Tang crystals, and sound like a psychobilly singer from Pluto (the non-planet) while grunting out the tale of a hotrod rocket race between Major Tom and Barbarella. And for these experiences I would like to say: Thanks fellas! But yes, it’s now best for all parties if they return to their instrumental ways.

    The release party is at Amsterdam’s Paradiso on November 6. Oh, and the coolest thing: this album is also available in vinyl. Now there’s a ‘concept’! And a big thanks to Unfold for indulging the above advertorial. Maybe next time they’ll actually get paid — yet another ‘concept’.

  • Music for Imaginary Films

    Music for Imaginary Films

    A CD by Arling & Cameron  with LINER NOTES AND POSTER COPY by Steve Korver and POSTER DESIGNS by Joost Swarte, 75B, Mevis & Van Deursen, Greet Egbers, Dept, Piet Schreuders, Jan Bons, Floor Koomen and Goodwill.

     

    1.-Le-Flic-et-la-Fille

    Le Flic en la Fille (1968)
    “…A certain aesthetic vertigo may wash over contemporary viewers as they suck back the funk-propelled opening sequence of this Alain Delon vehicle. Our media soaked brains have been trained to expect a pimped up Cadillac convertible torqueing through the streets of Harlem; but instead we witness a ragged Delon – who by this time was no longer the mere object of lingering camera shots on his crotch – leaving behind a trail of squeezed off Citroen DS’s as he careens through the streets of Paris (or should it be Marseilles?). Musicologists – most probably whiteass ones – cite this film’s soundtrack as the missing link between John Barry’s earlier compositions for Beat Girl AKA Wild for Kicks (1960) and the later blaxploitation soundtracks of Isaac Hayes and Melvin Van Peebles. This particular cinematic artefact – file under nouvellevagueploitation – has Delon playing Marc Stefovic as the tough cop who uses the last few golden shimmers left on his heart to fall for a night-club singer. In his attempts to de-fatale this femme, he ends up being dragged into a world that begins with sex, drugs, and gangsters and ends in the bed of some very prominent and very right wing French political figures…”    [Poster design by Joost Swarte]

     

    2. 1999 Space Club

    1999 Space Club (1979)
    “…Imagine yourself being projected as a hologram to a night-club circling the earth where you could then indulge in an evening of celestial delight and virtual carnality. To late ‘70s Hollywood, the concept seemed sound: a television series that fused Love Boat romance with Battlestar Galactica special effects. Lucien Samaha, an art director who had made his name designing the club sequences for Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, was called in to develop a feature length pilot which would introduce viewers to a glittering world where HO-Js (holographic DJs) provided the soundtrack – a ‘Studio 54 in Space’, as it were. While pirated video copies of this now hopelessly obscure pilot are highly prized among kitsch aficionados, it’s the theme song – with its eerie foreshadowing of such modern dance variants as Drum ‘n’ Bass – which does the superior job of evoking the 1999 as we know it. Perhaps with this release, a cartel of party organizers will be inspired to band together to save the Mir Space Station from it’s seemingly imminent doom…”   [Poster design by 75B]

     

    3. W.E.E.K.E.N.D.

    W.E.E.K.E.N.D. (1973)
    “…As one of the more blatant examples of cultural denial, this television pilot set in early ’70s San Francisco could be more aptly titled ‘W.H.I.T.E.W.A.S.H.’. The story follows the high jinx weekend adventures of a group of teen students who are living away from home for the first time and whose idea of a good time makes the Brady Bunch look like pack of drooling crackheads. They live in a universe where one smells neither a hippy nor a whiff of anything that does not evoke good clean hetero fun. One is quick to suspect that the city’s elite Moron Minority – armed with the belief that The Mamas and the Papas weren’t already watered down enough – supplied the production funds. But much is forgiven by the sheer pop punchiness of the title track, bouncing as it does with the zest of pure innocence…”   [Poster design by Mevis & Van Deursen]

     

    4. Hashi

    Hashi the Drug Sniffing Canine (1975)
    “…Contrary to wishes of the show’s painfully naive creators, Hashi never joined the Lassie sweepstakes to become the dog icon of the ’70s. In fact, the only entertaining thing about this television pilot which tells the tale of a JFK airport sniff dog, is the title track and its trippy descent into cosmic maelstrom. Plot-wise, it was meant to depict Hashi’s moral confusion brought about by being suddenly confronted by his much beloved former master, a once sweet boy now turned smuggling adult. Predictably the movie ends with Hashi squealing on him, but the musical subtext makes clear that the happily subversive composer had other things on his mind — namely that Hashi had had a sniff too much and was tripping like some crazed bitch in heat…”   [Poster design by Greet Egbers]

     

    5. Let's Get Higher

    Let’s Get Higher (1989)
    “…Many may assume that a film on the last days of Disco would deal with the personal breakdowns and deaths incurred from promiscuity and drugs. However, the charm of this documentary lies in the fact that it also investigates the smaller, more banal, accidents and tragedies which eventually forced adherents to find an alternative to their alternative lifestyles. Viewers are allowed entrance into the worlds inhabited by: a man who caught a flesh-eating microbe from his salami prosthetic, an amputee whose limb was lost when overly tight pants restricted the blood flow, and an aphasic woman who woke up speaking Swedish after being hit by a flailing arm on the dance floor (the ubiquitous Dr. Oliver Sacks being on hand to provide some startling insights)…”   [Poster design by Dept]

     

    6. Milano Cool

    Milano Cool (1969)
    “…‘Solving Crime… and lookin’ mighty fine’ sums it up: an American packs in his livelihood as private detective to go to Italy to seek fulfillment to his dream of becoming a clothes designer. Unfortunately events conspire against our somewhat schmucky but always suave hero, and he is forced back into the dick trade. A certain po-mo brand of hilarity can be gleaned from the film’s many continuity problems brought on by the fact it was filmed during Italy’s hottest summers on record. Shirts subtly change shade and lapels grow and shrink as our hero endlessly walks like some funked up Strut-asaurus Rex through the streets of Milan in search of clues. Film buffs probably already know that Tarantino’s Jackie Brown, while obviously paying homage to the vintage cop shows of the 70s, derived much from this film, particularly as a character study where talk, charm and consummate style provided the real action…”   [Poster design by Piet Schreuders]

     

    7. New Day

    New Day (1951)
    “…with hindsight through jade(d)-tinted glasses being 20/20, modern folks naturally scoff at the concept of a three hour musical based on the teachings of Norman Vincent Peale and his ‘Power of Positive Thinking’. Leavened as it was with lashings of sacchrinated syrup, it was inevitable – even in 1951 – that a Broadway production of New Day: We’re So Happy! would die before it even hit the boards. The musical would have most certainly remained buried and forgotten had it not been for an Atlanta R&B recording duo scoring a modest hit in 1999 with a mutated version of what was supposed to be the show-stopper, ‘New Day’. With the further revelation that the Ren & Stimpy catchphrase ‘HappyHappyJoyJoy’ was actually lifted from another of this musical’s song titles (an affiliate of the show had picked up a dog-eared set of production notes complete with poster mock-up at a garage sale), enough interest was generated to result in current plans to stage a revised interpretation, New Day: We’re So Fucking Happy!…”   [Poster design by Jan Bons]

     

    8. Zona Sul

    Zona Sul (1995)
    “…A quality soap operatic film from Brazil? Shocking but true… Like the deep resonance of a Brazilian samba – or a cuppa fresh roast coffee for that matter – this example of contra-tropicalist film-making literally seethes with sophistication. While following genre code (the infidelities are intemperate, the coincidences inconceivable and the revenge exact), it’s the multifaceted performance of Carmen Miranda’s daughter Maria that holds the story together. She evidently learned from the tragedy of her talented mother’s Hollywood stereotyping as Miss Frutti-Tutti and created a character of depth and passion. The part was obviously written for her (the script being peppered with her character’s steadfast refusal to drink any cocktail that smacks of citrus, and always opting instead for a martini “dry…as dry as the sands…”)…”   [Poster design by Floor Koomen]

     

    9. Space Beach

    Space Beach (1968)
    “…While sharing genre (Science Fiction) and release date (1968) with Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, the tragically under-rated film Space Beach preferred to thematically explore the future of sensuality over that of technology. Situated on a utopian planet where daily life is infused with peace, glee and harmony, the inhabitants have evolved the contrasting habit of choosing vacation destinations based on their suitability for melancholic introspection. The theme song’s use of theremin calls forth such a place: a barren beach where hazy red colors dance and contort to the setting of twin suns…”   [Poster design by Mevis & Van Deursen]

     

    10. Herrmann

    Herrmann (1983)
    “…Music and story attempted to fuse in this flawed cinematic experiment which sought to pay ultimate tribute to the blistering Hitchcock soundtracks of Bernard Herrmann. But no number of his trademark contrasts and flourishes, can save the Repulsion-on-acid story-line which doggedly observes a loner (yes, his name is Herrmann as well) in a constant state of facial flux as he does inner-battle with a variety of religious, gender and control issues. However, the film has endured as a cult due to the mass of literature it has accumulated from the hands of German film critics bent with Cabalistic obsession. The title alone has filled tomes of speculation. Ignoring it as a mere tribute or even as a clear allusion to gender conflict, certain conspiracy logicians see the title as representative of the teetering duality of the character who has as his component parts: a ‘Herr’ (represented in the music as the bombastic and pompous percussion and horn) and a plain ‘Mann’ (heard as the cautiously tiptoeing and vaguely paranoiac piano). The swooping theremin – or [t]herr[a]mann, as they like to point out – darting as it does between these musical themes, would be representative of the inner-conflict itself…”   [Poster design by Goodwill]

     

    11. Shiva's Daughter

    Shiva’s Daughters (1970)
    “…A classic case of cultural appropriation or should we say blatant plagiarism? Aaron Spelling: you are so busted… A delight for Connoisseurs of Camp, this is the Bollywood classic used as the initial inspiration for the television series Charlie’s Angels. Shiva, as the Charlie prototype, has a busy day job as Creator/Destroyer of the universe and leaves most of the fighting of evil to his three daughters who are helped along by his able intermediary Boswalla. Armed with only their wits and loaded lingamatics, our heroines manage to take care of a rampaging tiger, a nasty blue serpent and an malodorous dwarf. But unlike pool-side Charlie, Shiva does make a spectacular appearance at the film’s conclusion to dance his cosmic dance and to kick some serious heretical rishi butt. Indeed: ‘many arms make light work’…”   [Poster design by Dept]

     

    14. The Only Guy

    The Only Guy (1955)
    “…With ‘Hollywood Looks At Itself’ films (Barton Fink, The Player, Ed Wood, etc.) established as a genre, it’s surprising that the story behind this long suppressed and short-lived television series has not yet been adapted to the big screen – the line between absurdity and tragedy has never been more razor fine. The show’s formula, with the main character (played by actor Fred MacMurray’s twin brother Martin) as the last man on post-apocalyptic Earth who plucks his ukulele on a rainy beach and opens his heart to a different animal each episode, came from necessity: each animal mysteriously died at the end of the shooting day. It was only when MacMurray himself died halfway through the season, forcing the show’s cancellation, that the producers sought to seek an explanation. It turned out that the culprit was the show’s main ‘gimmick’: namely, the X-Ray camera it was shot with. Except for a few obscure Mexican snuff films (most notable: Feast of the Dead II: The Pinata Unmasked), this was the last time this dubious technology was used…”   [Poster design by Joost Swarte]

    *******

    coverpeg

    the HYPE

    “…They’re amazing zeitgeist-mimics, and were that not enough, the disc is loaded with brilliant, bogus blurbs and poster art for these fantasy flicks, fortifying the mini-mythology they’ve manufactured…” – Montreal Mirror

    “…The liner notes, masterfully written by expatriate Canadian Steve Korver, allude to the theme song’s ‘eerie foreshadowing of such modern dance variants as drum ‘n’ bass,’ furthering the illusion that these soundtracks are part of some large-scale revision of musical history…” – EYE

    “…Music For Imaginary Films, puts the cart before the horse in that respect, creating a variety of alarmingly plausible film scenarios for which the pair provide suitably authentic music…And that inspired Steve Korver, the guy who wrote the liner notes, to go on about the cabalistic connotations of the title…” – Splendid

    “…The disc is a well-realized package, complete with miniature reproductions of movie posters (each created by a differant party for stylistic variety), complete with evocative liner notes, written by Steve Korver…” – Retroactive

    “…The liner notes are exquisite, showcasing art and storylines from faux films that thematically run the gamut from French new wave cinema (Le Flic et la Fille) to campy Bollywood glitz (Shiva’s Daughters). An ambitious project, to say the least…” – Windsor Star

    “…The liner notes themselves are worth buying the CD for…” – Alaska Sun Star

    “…The liner notes are as entertaining as the tunes, and the tunes are all impossibly catchy. A must-buy…” – North Shore News

    “…And a round of applause, please, for Steve Korver’s super-visionary liner notes to these nonexistent flicks…” – Detroit Metro Times

    “…contains delicious posters for each of the movies, along with plot summaries and mini-reviews of every flick. Beautifully penned by Steve Korver, they’re just convincing enough to avoid falling into dull parody, yet still massively amusing… As a package, it’s fantastic…” – Wiseacre

    “…Dankzij de bijgevoegde filmposters en synopsissen overstijgen deze nummers de status van `herkenningsdeuntje’ van bestaande filmgenres. De synopsissen zijn goed geschreven geestige parodieën, de posters fraai en erg goed qua diversiteit in stijl…” – Writers Block Magazine

    “…Steve Korver’s razor-sharp movie synopses in the liner notes provide insight into twisting plots, summarizing the complex characters trapped in simple worlds…” – Dinomentia